I had no idea what I was studying at Ohio State, if I am being honest. I actually met with a counselor a little less than halfway through my college career and she told my that I could apply to the College of Communications and earn my degree with an emphasis in Strategic Communications in less than four years with my current credits. She even laid out the courses I would need to finish it in four years. I finished it in 3 years plus 2 quarters and added a dance minor to it, just for funsies… and I realized on my graduation day – a day I spent away from my graduating class; I didn’t even walk across a stage, shake a hand, or accept a diploma – that I had no idea what my degree meant I should be actually doing in this world. How was I going to use this expensive thing I just earned?

Growing up, I actually thought I’d be an attorney. I’ve always loved arguing (in my head, and with my parents) and I was definitely good at writing to pose said arguments. But then I saw the movies where attorneys had to argue IN FRONT OF PEOPLE and their opinions were oftentimes challenged so I decided that I wouldn’t stand a chance, to that end. 

I remember being in my high school communications class ready with my speech and feeling confident in the opinions I’d carefully crafted and then feeling immediately defeated as my inner voice took me down. In listening to my classmates present and debate amongst themselves, I immediately took myself out of the running. I set myself up for failure before I even opened my mouth. 

But here’s the truth: I am a lot smarter than I let on. And I am not saying that for an ego boost or to prove something to you. Those who know me personally probably characterize me as self-deprecating, possibly a little ditzy, so this comment probably seems uncharacteristic. I most certainly am ‘those things’, possibly on purpose and to a fault, probably because that’s the easier route as opposed to allowing myself to be openly critiqued or criticized. But a couple years ago when I started this blog thing I decided to dig deep and start to share my revelations on this journey of becoming more me. Because I know with 100% certainty that I am not alone in these feelings or these experiences. The solidarity of knowing there are more folks like me carrying on with life makes me feel more grounded, less anxious, and much happier as a person. All that to say, I need YOU to open up to, and I need for you to open up, too.

So I say I am smarter than I have ever given myself credit for and maybe more than anyone else has given me credit for because it explains why I am the way that I am. For most of my life, I have felt so misunderstood. I’ve spent so much time inside my head having internal debates and combing through my struggles while feeling (quietly) confidently aware of my feelings or my understanding of the world at whatever point in time. Yet, when I’ve ever tried to voice them aloud I feel swallowed up in everyone else’s opinions. I have a hard time feeling like my thoughts hold a candle to everyone else’s. How can my assumptions and assertions stand on two legs when ‘they’ are obviously so sure of their own? So, I’ve stayed quiet. I’ve allowed myself to be spoken over. ‘Their’ thoughts are louder, so I bury mine. ‘They’ are so much more put-together so I’ll hide in rows 2, 3, 4 with my own convictions remaining in my own internal discourse and not being brave enough to stand in the middle to share with anyone at all.

But my word of the year for 2022 has been ‘FREE’. I’ve decided I am free to be myself and to feel and to think and to do whatever it is I believe is right. I can give myself some credit and feel empowered by my own judgement call. And, I am free to listen and to adjust my own beliefs accordingly while simultaneously sharing my beliefs as they are, even if they are wrong. I am free to share so that I can learn and change for the better! My thoughts and feelings and beliefs have a place, here. There is space for everyone. We can remain firmly rooted and be changed, just as a tree grows and grows and never moves from its spot but yields slightly different shapes or sizes of fruit in its time or allows its limbs to adjust ever so slightly with the wind and the rain and the sun. The dichotomy exists and is welcomed by those of us who have the courage to let all thoughts and ideas from the world pass through us. Being accepting and welcoming is the seedling of inspiration.

Listening is such a powerful tool. If we listen first and then share our thoughts, we are well-equipped to better present our arguments. That’s not my opinion, that’s simply logic. Being informed casts a very different light on what we think we hold to be true. And you can’t be informed unless you listen.

So, I now feel I am worthy of a spot in the middle. You are worthy of a spot in the middle, or wherever you want to be.  Heck, put us front row, center! I am challenging myself to continue to be brave enough to share. If you’re feeling brave, or just more comfortable in yourself, I hope you have the courage to share, too. Because the cumulative thoughts and ideas of all the people is where the truth is. We need your truth, just as we need mine.

Almost 14 years since graduating college, I am now actually practicing strategic communications, even if it wasn’t what I set out to do. I still am unsure how I ended up here, but I do know that from the get-go I was open to others’ ideas. Now, I believe in my own.

Share on Facebook

Tweet

Follow us