Purpose

Just Do It

“I get asked every single day by those that love us, ‘What can I do to help?’ And I love it that so many people want to help. But in the end, even I don’t know what I can do to help make this better. So instead of asking what you can do for anyone going through their hard — just do.”

In reading Brandon Janous’s post “Want to Feel Loved? Get Cancer” featured by Human Parts on Medium, I received some of the most valuable perspective I’ve read, in awhile.

I just came off of one of the hardest weeks of my life. Which, after reading Brandon’s article seems like I was just sitting on the beach sipping a Pina colada… *perspective* But, it was my hard.

Just so you’re there with me, my husband was on a work trip, my six year old had a 102 degree fever for three days, I had a three-day work meeting offsite I was planning and managing for 50 people, and my sitter was fearful to help me throughout part of it because of her risk of getting sick. Plus, I also have my own “stuff” going on with my endometriosis and its mean symptoms.

Being a recovering perfectionist and an emotionally sensitive human being, you can just about imagine the wreck I was. But, I hate letting anyone see me sweat (or cry), so you better believe I put on that brave face each day and pretended to weather the storm with grace. That’s not adding emotional fuel to the fire, or anything…

If I could’ve picked the week for everything to go wrong, this would not have been that week. But, we don’t get to pick when our hard times hit. They just come. And we can either kick and scream about our difficulties and crumble like paper mache, or we can make-the-best-of the situation. It’s o.k. that the dishes piled up, the playroom looked like a tornado had just torn through it, and that I had to figure out how to hold my sick child and my (at the time) not-sick children simultaneously, when what I really wanted was to hold everyone at an arm’s length while I cried behind a locked door.

Oftentimes, we hear people asking what they can do for others when there are times of hardship. When I think about this past week, I could’ve used help. Instead, I got the usual, “Oh no, poor you. I hope things get better!” And “If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”

As Brandon eluded, these statements are meant to be helpful, but they actually put the onus on the one going through the hard-thing. As if any of us have the control to make things better in our-hard times when, in most cases, we don’t. You just have to ride the storm and try to keep your hard-thing in perspective.

To ask the person going through the hard-thing to also come up with ways everyone else should help them feels like another item on their list of hard that they have to manage. For example, we recently had an employee lose everything they own and their home in a fire overnight. People started asking him, what can we do? Meanwhile, he’s never been through a fire, before. And now, you want him to direct you on how to help?

“If you want to take them a meal, do it. If you want to send a gift card or a note, do it. If you want to pray for them, do it. If you want to hug them, just hug them and hug them hard. Don’t ask for permission, just do. Whatever that thing is that you want to do, just do. That’s one of the most beautiful things about love. It just does.”

Thank you, Brandon. You’re right. Love just does.

So, when you see a mother looking weary and struggling with her three children at Chick-fil A, kneel down and start talking to her youngest to distract him while she gets jackets and hats and gloves on her older two. When you notice an elderly gentleman looking unstable at the grocery store with his small cart of groceries, just start helping unload them onto the belt. When you have a friend who has been sick for a week, take them soup and the latest issue of People magazine. When someone you know has cancer, send them a “thinking of you card” and maybe include a gift card to Panera instead of posting amongst a million comments on social media “I’m praying for you” with a praying hands emoji…

I believe we just all get so wrapped up in the busyness of our own lives that until we hit our hard, we forget how impactful it is to show others love, first.

I don’t want our culture to seem empty of empathy. I am hopeful for all acts of kindness to be less random and instead become more integrated in how we, as a people, do life. If your first reaction to my hope is “how?” then I suggest you think back on one of your hardest weeks and remember what anyone could’ve done for you to make it better. Start there. Just do it.