Purpose

Lucky Thirteenth

For me, love’s changed a lot since I first started to ‘feel it’. You won’t believe me, not many people do – not even the partner I chose believes me! – but I fell in love when I was 15.

I remember thinking, ‘Wow, this really isn’t as romantic as it is in the movies.” Is this what ‘Lucky in Love” is supposed to be like? He doesn’t even seem like he really likes me 50% of the time… Honestly, we argued and fought constantly as we grew up together. It was all so messy and chaotic and he never did exactly what I wanted him to do. And then damn social media happened and of course I compared myself and our coupling to the smiling faces plastered all over my screens, so I definitely figured we were not going to be enough.

Almost 7 years went by before I could tell we were on the same page. How? Because that’s when he ‘finally’ proposed. But honestly through all of life’s changes I only saw my future with him, so I kept reminding myself to be as patient as possible. (Like, I only threatened to stop dating him a handful of times until he gave me a ring… and it worked!) I chose to go to The Ohio State University (just in case he didn’t choose me) and he went to BGSU on a full ride. As soon as I figured out some wheels, I took up the majority of the traveling back and forth so we could have more chances to be together. It was a long, taxing road on our relationship and we fought against each other as well as for each other (and never at the same pace or time) in a million different ways over those years of distance.

14 years, 3 homes, and 3 babies later, and I’d say that’s when you really start to see the person you chose.

I don’t feel lucky, most days. I hate the way he makes oatmeal leaving granules all over our new wood floors. I hate the way the oatmeal sloshes around his mouth after he shovels in giant spoonfuls before he hurries off to work or wherever. I hate the way the dried oatmeal sticks to the sides of our glass bowls after he half rinses them and lays them in the sink. But here’s the weirdest part – in spite of all of that, I most certainly still love him. And when I reflect on ‘us’, I feel so lucky that I get to be annoyed by the piles of shoes and clothes he leaves all over the house. I feel lucky that he chose me to be the one to bear his boys and help raise them alongside someone I, overall, enjoy being around 95% of the time.

How can you love someone who aggravates you like that? Somewhere along the way all that love at first sight stuff simply wore off. And we went on to tackle sickness and major home projects and broken backs and finishing law school and having babies and dealing with postpartum depression and lost jobs and new jobs and life-flights leading to medical diagnosis… And it was a lot of hard stuff. But now, dried oatmeal can’t even come between us.

After more than 20 years of growing up together, we definitely can’t stop the harsh light from shining directly on all our flaws. Where we used to be all glowy and where we saw only the good bits, we now see the culmination of our failures and our joys and at the end of each hard day we still choose each other.

Every truth we’ve uncovered is undoubtedly what makes us each more fun, more beautiful, more ourselves. With every passing year, through each thing we’ve overcome together, we’ve become more us. And I like me more – I like him more – now than I did when I was 15.

All this to say, I don’t think luck has anything to do with love. I also don’t believe we are a bunch of puppets with something or someone curating our lives so that we get cancer at a certain point or meet our person for life and then that’s it. I think we have choices and it’s up to us to be thoughtful about them. And when our choices make us feel grateful and worthy and connected, well that’s the most romantic stuff there is!

And maybe it wasn’t actually love at first sight with my person, but instead it was choice-at-first-sight. I looked at him and I felt at peace and at home and I decided to put all my faith and hope in him, over-and-over-and-again. I saw our potential together. And I could’ve been wrong… maybe I am still wrong. But, oh my, it has been one hell of a fun, wild, challenging journey! And I surely wouldn’t give it back because at some point I uncovered someone I really wanted to be with.So, happy lucky 13th wedding anniversary to my best bud and my lover and my partner. Thanks for choosing me, too! (P.S. can’t wait for the rebuttal and to hear all the things I do that annoy you, as well )