Anxiety

Another Coronavirus Symptom

Every day, maybe every second over the course of the past couple months, most of us have said good-bye to one thing or another. There’s been no Opening Day celebrations at our great American ballparks. We’ve cancelled spring break trips. Some have said good-bye to Senior year including prom and graduation ceremonies. Many will miss out on spring sports and activities. 

During a time of year typically known for fresh beginnings, we’ve had to deal with unexpected grief.

As a parent, it’s been most challenging to explain each of these losses to my children. It’s been hard seeing my own disappointment on their faces. 

My middle-son asked when he could help me at the grocery store, again. He’s my early riser so it’s our-thing to get the weekly shopping done together Saturday mornings.

“Not while the sickness is here,” I said.

“When will the sickness go away?” he inquired. 

My eldest chimed in. “Don’t we go back to school on May 4?”

My heart sank… “Boys, we cannot control the sickness. When they make the announcement, we will know what’s next.” They had fleeting looks of sadness but then kept playing with their train track.

Every time I check social media I see another tear-filled post. But you know what I find most interesting? People are not sharing how sad they are for themselves. They are more often saying, “I feel so bad for all of the high school seniors…” Or, “I feel bad for those on the front-lines. Many of them can’t see their families or worse they may be exposed to COVID19!” And, “I am so sad for my son. He was supposed to play soccer for the last time with his team.”

I am not saying everyone shouldn’t be compassionate. Actually, it’s wonderful to see so much of it! But, I hope we can recognize that our worry and pity for others may just be our own emotions, and not actually theirs. 

For example, I recently picked up a to-go order at a local coffee shop. I was greeted by a dear friend who babysits for my boys and who’s also a high school senior. She was our local show choir’s leading soloist, they were headed to Nashville for National’s, she had her last Cabaret coming up, and her Senior Prom after that. “I am so sad I won’t get to see you perform at Cabaret!” I started.

She replied in a level tone, “Yeah it’s a bummer, but it’s been nice to just be working.”

I was kind of taken aback. “But, it was your last… and prom…”

“Yea, they’re talking about maybe having Prom in June. My mom filmed one of my performances when I won best vocalist. She’ll show you!”

She didn’t miss a beat and handed me my latte with a genuine smile.

Another example I saw recently was a social post thread shared by a nurse on the front-lines. She was thanking everyone for the free pizza, clothing discounts, and the added recognition. But then she said, actually could you throw some of that kindness towards small business owners or families who have lost their jobs because of the shut-down? Could you share your prayers with those who have contracted COVID19? I am fortunate to be well and have a rewarding job. Thank you so much, but I’ll be fine.

All this to say, this time in life reminds me about my personal battle with anxiety. Oftentimes, my worry stems from my concern for others. It starts when I lack control over something. Then, it spirals to wondering how everyone else will survive, especially since I am feeling swallowed-up by the pit in my stomach over whatever it is that is making me anxious! 

Like, when we get severe wind storms. I worry for the construction workers who have to work amidst the debris kicked up by heavy gusts. I am concerned for the truck drivers battling the strong winds while driving high profile vehicles. I get nervous for my little boys and all kids playing on playgrounds. Will everyone be alright?

That may be a silly example to you, unless you recognize unwarranted anxiety in your own thoughts. 

As the nurse mentioned, she still has a rewarding job through all of this. Instead, she asks us to redirect our worry for those who need it. Yes, all of the normal senior year fun may have been taken away, but maybe that senior needed the reprieve? Have you asked them?

Or, are you just like me dishing out unsolicited worry?

Minding our collective health and maintaining our jobs are probably important concerns. The other things… no soccer, baseball, prom, graduation ceremony… those may just be blessings in disguise. But, how will we know unless we pause, understand, and ask?