Momming

8 Things I Wish Other Moms Would’ve Told Me

Before I officially became a new mom, I know I received lists of necessary baby items from newer moms in my circles and I read the What to Expect When You’re Expecting book(s) and I followed all the beautiful Insta-Mom accounts, but after I brought this new, loving being home I realized I still wasn’t prepared. I was still surprised by the struggle of it all.

I remember telling you about my doctor’s response to my question ‘When should I expect my regular cycle to return?’ after my 6-week postpartum checks. Her response was always ‘Just be the watchful farmer’…

Even though her advice came across crass and insensitive, she was right. The human body is predictably unpredictable. And, that’s kind of how I’ve found motherhood to be.

There’s just so much no one talks about when it comes to preparing yourself to be a mom. Some of that is because we were designed to forget. We remember the good more than we remember the bad. It’s instinctual. It keeps us going and doing it all over again. It’s why everyone likes to say, “you’re going to miss it.” But they forget.

Additionally, it’s just not as fun to put a picture up with a cool filter if your child is throwing a massive tantrum or throwing up all over you and rubbing their poop

into your new carpet (I’ve had all of those happen, sometimes all at the same moment).

So this is my list of the top 8 things I wish I could’ve talked with other, more experienced moms about over a cup of coffee or a box of tissues. I wonder if you feel the same?

8 things I wish other moms would’ve told me before I became a mom:

Labor can be days… (on-and-off weeks for some women)
The pain you feel after childbirth is often hard to bear and it will take years to heal AND there are no more moments when you can focus on just you and your healing. You have a new balancing act that will take a whole lot more of your time than you feel comfortable living with and it’s something you may never master.
You will be exhausted from the time you get pregnant until forever.
You will forget all of the above and maybe simply (weirdly) want to do it all again (and again, and again).
You have never loved anyone or anything as much as this new human you’re created and then housed and carried for almost or more than 10 months. It will shock you to your core and you may not feel it right away and it will creep in slowly OR it may smack you up to the side of your head as soon as you feel them outside your body. And this may change child-to-child.
You will never again be able to just leave and take care of an errand or have a fun shopping day without first having to arrange babysitters or wake up early to assemble meals; and you’ll be exhausted by the time you get to wherever you’re going. As soon as you’re there, you’ll worry about your people back home. Did you remember to prepare everything for them? Will they be o.k. without me? I just talked to my husband about this. He said it himself, “Even though it’s up to me to support us right now, I understand that ultimately I have more freedom than you do.” But the truth is, the goal of having kids is not to give you something to take care of the rest of your life. We’re raising other independent, successful humans here. So, parenthood is really about letting go, every day.
You’ll never know real heartache until you become a mom. Yes there will be people who never like you back or a try-out you get cut from, or misunderstandings with friends, and tests you fail or even jobs you get passed up for. But being a mother means simultaneously attempting to control the situation while never actually being able to have control. Your new title is ‘Risk Mitigator’.
You are forever changed. Your clothes will never fit the same in-spite of net positive weight change; your style is not the same (because function over fashion); food and wine and coffee taste different and you may have developed allergies; things people say to you will bother you or lift you up in ways you could never have anticipated; relationships become more and less important as your child grows and succeeds different milestones… You now have one of the most important jobs in the world! At least in YOUR world. So, how could you be the same? As time goes on and especially if you are able or want to add children to your brood, your world will expand and so will your skill set and priorities. It’s o.k. Change can be hard and good at the same rate. And when you start looking back on the decades of your emotional/spiritual/physical changes, I promise you, you will be appreciative and feel wiser and see a stronger person in the mirror.

Ultimately, I feel like a better human because of the trials and just plain hard sh*t I’ve been through during my motherhood journey. Though, time has been the only way I now have those feelings.

I’m not too dense to know that your journey is completely different than mine, although I have to admit that the more I talk to other moms and they actually open up to me, there’s quite a bit of similarity, too.

I just want to help. If you ever want to talk – like, real talk – I’d love to listen! I won’t interject, unless you want me to. I owe you that, because that’s all I’ve ever needed.